


Forgive me Father, for I have Sinned

by GeeKnProuD



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Catholicism, Church Sex, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff and Angst, I'm Going to Hell, Priest Kink, The Author Regrets Nothing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-02
Updated: 2018-04-20
Packaged: 2019-04-17 04:32:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 18,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14180697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GeeKnProuD/pseuds/GeeKnProuD
Summary: Emily Martin was never good with relationships...horrible in fact. So horrible, that her latest screw up nearly tried to kill her. It was the push she needed that made her move back home and try to put her life and heart back together. Her only fear was running into the one guy she never could have...James “Bucky” Barnes.Father James loves the church and he loves his new position as Priest to the same church he grew up in. Taking his vows and getting his Holy orders was never a hard decision, besides, it’s what his mother would have wanted. It wasn’t until a certain girl moved back home that made him question everything...himself, the church and especially his vows.





	1. Moving On and Moving Home

**Author's Note:**

> Ok guys...I’m totally going to burn in Hell for this FF, but in for a penny, in for a pound right? Also, I’m not Catholic. I’m Lutheran...so kinda close to being Catholic. So don’t expect my writing to be completely accurate. Also if priests fucking on an alter triggers you...I’d advise you to move along to another safer one for your own emotional stability...just saying. With that being said, I hope you all enjoy my trip down to Hell with me. And may God have mercy upon my poor perverted soul. ;)

Emily

My forehead rested against the cool glass of the train window, peering out at the landscape as it rushed by. Thunder clouds loomed overhead, threatening to release their bounty upon the Earth. The grey skies mirrored my mood perfectly...Dark, gloomy and depressing. Yup, pretty much sums up my life perfectly.

A woman sitting near me looked my way and I turned my face away from her. The makeup would only hide so much. I knew the bruises could still be seen, at least the ones on my face. The other injuries were easier to hide with clothing. Like the belt bruises on my back and shoe print ones on my stomach. 

To say I’ve never been good with relationships is an understatement. In fact I’m so bad at them that my latest mistake nearly cost me my life. Hence the one way ticket I bought with cash to bring me back home. Home to Skillman, New Jersey, where I’ll be back living with my mother. How did my life become this? 

My bad luck with boys started in Kindergarten with my first ever crush. His name was Brian and I thought he was the cutest thing ever. Blonde hair and blue eyed cutie that was popular with all the little girls on the playground. I was determined to make him mine...so I cornered him under the jungle gym and planted a big ole kiss on him. It was my first kiss and my first time going to the Principal’s office. Brian had freaked out and ran off crying after the kiss and fell, breaking his arm. 

Then came middle school and it didn’t get any better. You’d think I would have learned by then...but nope, not me! My middle school crush was Nicholas, he too had light blonde hair and gorgeous blue eyes....can you see the pattern here? I did everything I could to attract his attention, and it worked. Yup, it worked real well for him too. A way to hide the fact he was very very..Gay. Seriously...Fuck my life!

By the time high school finally rolled around, I thought I had a handle on this whole ‘boy’ thing. My first real boyfriend was in my freshman year and was super sweet...sweet on my friend, behind my back. Lost a friend and a boyfriend that year. Also another trip to the principal’s office after I punched my friend as I had her pinned in between the bleachers. Yeah, freshmen year sucks monkey balls, let me tell ya! Again, you’d think I would throw in the towel and finally just steer clear of boys all together. Ha! Nope! Not me! 

I did pretty well keeping my crushes to a minimum, until Senior year. That’s when I was graced with presence of the one and only James Buchanan Barnes, Bucky to all his circle of friends. He had been a transfer in from the Catholic school, and every girl lost their fucking mind! Me including. He was perfect! Even though he wasn’t blonde like my usual choices. But he definitely made up for it with his killer body, winning smile and drop dead gorgeous eyes that seemed to melt your soul if he happen to look at you. 

I never did get a chance to try and make him mine though..nope, that prize went to my one and only best friend Mandy. We had been friends since second grade and the closest thing to a sister I had. The one main rule you had with your girlfriends was never, Never go after your friend’s guy. No matter how much you were in love with him.

We were a close group of friends and hung out all the time. Steve Rogers and Darcy Lewis, high school sweethearts who were perpetually locked at the lips, along with Mandy, Bucky and myself..we were constantly together. I definitely felt like a fifth wheel. Bucky though, he always went out of his way to include me. It became harder and harder to hide my feelings for him. 

I spent many nights crying into my pillows over Bucky Barnes. I just couldn’t understand why fate would give me my perfect match...only to match him with someone else. I felt it was cruel and so unfair. The bad part was the sadder I became, the more Bucky paid attention to me, sensing something was wrong. He was always so in tune with the feeling of others. He was definitely meant to be either a counselor or a therapist. He was that good!

I finally had had enough! My heart couldn’t take any more! I needed a distraction, anything to take my mind off of him. That came in the form of one bad boy named Dylan. He had pitch black hair and green eyes, a motorcycle and several tattoos! He was everything Bucky wasn’t. My mother hated him and forbid me to ever date him...so of course I ended up running away with him to California the moment we graduated High school. Well, I graduated, he dropped out.

My mother had been crushed, my friends shocked. Me, I felt free! Free from the crushing weight of a broken heart. It didn’t last long though..two months actually. But by then I was too embarrassed to go back home. So instead I made a life for myself on the west coast. I worked hard and went back to school, eventually getting my nursing degree like I always wanted to do. For the first time in my life I was actually happy and proud of myself.

Like most good things in my life, it didn’t last. That’s because I broke down and started dating a man named David. He was a personal trainer and hot as fucking hell and build like a damn freight train. He knew he was good looking and acted like it. How I fell for him is beyond me. Thinking back on it, it’s almost as if I tried to find the least ‘Bucky’ guy I could find. Well, he was definitely it.

The abuse started slow...little tings here and there. Stuff that I could just brush off as an accident, or even my fault. Or now as I see it, him making it seem like it’s my fault. It wasn’t until we moved in together that the big stuff started. The first time he hauled off and smacked me was because I had accidentally burnt dinner. He lost his fucking mind!

I was stunned to say the least. But then he apologized and begged me for forgiveness, confessing his undying love for me. It was the first time anyone said they loved me, so I forgave him and we moved on. The second time he hit me was six months later. I hadn’t answered my phone while out shopping. He ended up smashing my phone and punching me, knocking me out.

When I awoke he was again apologetic and overcome with remorse. He claimed he would die without me, that I meant so much to him that it made him crazy that he couldn’t reach me. I again fell for his pleas and vows of love. Surely we could work this out, right? No...it only got worse. Three broken ribs, a cracked femur and two broken fingers later and too many bruises to count...I finally found the courage to leave him. I say courage because the last time I brought it up he had told me he would kill me if I ever left him...”Besides,” he said, “No one else will love you like I do...no one!” It was the first time, even after all the beatings, that I became afraid for my life.

I decided to leave him while he was at the gym. It was all planned, my plane ticket bought, bags packed and cab called for the airport. That is until he came home early. He went ballistic! I barely made it out alive. A week in the hospital was my outcome..but also David got arrested. A neighbor finally grew some balls and didn’t turn a blind eye and called the cops. If he hadn’t, I’d be dead right now and David wouldn’t be charged with attempted murder.

After leaving the hospital, I found out that he had cleared out my bank account and closed it. Cancelled all of my credit cards..even my damn gas card for fucks sake! That’s when I realized he knew what I was planning. So here I am, taking a train from California to New Jersey with money I borrowed from some of my coworkers. Why the train you ask? Well...it takes a while to get to the East coast by Amtrak...and bruises need time to heal. My mother only knew very little about what has happened. She didn’t even know I was hospitalized. I hid it all.

The thought of moving home felt like the icing on top of my shit cake of a life. I was a total and complete failure. David was right about one thing, no one would ever love me. Not how I wanted to be, nor how I deserved to be. Though the latter was up for debate on exactly what I deserved. 

The only consolation about moving home is seeing my old friends again. Though the prospect of seeing Bucky again made me nervous, yet excited all in one. Especially when I knew he and Mandy weren’t together anymore...not since a year after graduating. But a guy like that wouldn’t stay single long...nope, I’m sure he’s long since married and popped out a few gorgeous babies by now. I hate his wife already and I didn’t even know her. I bet she’s an ugly old shrew too, definitely not worthy of being Mrs. Barnes.

Rain splattered on my window, the sound of it and the rolling thunder made my eye lids heavy. I grabbed the complimentary blanket and covered my body, curling in on myself. Closing my eyes I concentrated on the rhythmic sound of the tracks below me. Combined with the storm, it wasn’t long before I finally allowed myself to relax enough to fall asleep. Two more days till I get home.


	2. Greatest Temptation

Bucky

The morning light shone through the window in my study, making dust in the air seem to shine like glitter. It made me smile as I typed up the last of the sermon for this Sunday’s Mass. It’s quiet and peaceful mornings such as today that helps me do my best writing. 

I was nearly done when a hard knock sounded on the heavy wooden door. Only one person I knew knocked like that. “Come in Sister Catherine.” The door creaked loudly as the Nun pushed it open. Her weathered face smiled at me, “Sorry to disturb you Father, but Elizabeth Martin is here and asking to speak with you. Do you have a moment?” Hmm, I wonder what she wants. “Yes, absolutely, show her in please.”

I stood up from behind my desk and rounded it just as Ms. Martin entered. “Good morning Elizabeth. What brings you to church this fine Friday morning?” She gave me a huge smile that reminded me so much of someone else. “Good morning Father James. I hope I’m not bothering you.” I waved my hand in dismissal, “Of course not, my door is always open. Please sit.” I motioned toward a deep mahogany brown leather couch against the far wall.

She sat down and crossed her legs at the ankles and folded her hands in her lap. I sat down and faced her, “What can I help you with today? Are you needing to confess anything?” I grinned wide as she rolled her eyes, “Oh no, I’ll save that for Sunday, besides we’d be here all afternoon. I substituted for the high school yesterday, so you can imagine how much I’d have to ask forgiveness for.” We both laughed.

“What I came here for is actually some really good news. Since I know you’d want to hear this, I came here first. I heard from Emily yesterday, she’s coming home!” She had a huge grin on her face, her happiness at the news evident. Mine on the other hand, was one of shock. “She’s..coming home? As in here...to Skillman? For how long? When?” My heart began to beat harder at just the mention of her name. After all these years...she still affects me. 

“Yes of course here. And as far as I know she’s coming home to stay. She’s gotten into a bit of trouble with some man she was living with and left him. I don’t care why, all I care is that my baby girl is coming home! It’s been too long.” My mind wondered to the day she left and I swallowed a lump in my throat, my mouth feeling parched. “Yes it has been...ten years to be exact.” 

She gave me a worried look so I schooled my facial expressions and smiled warmly at her. “This is wonderful news! I’m so happy for you. God has truly blessed you!” She cocked her head a bit and chewed on her bottom lip a second before she spoke. “I figured this would be good news for you too James.” She gave me a knowing look that made me uncomfortable. 

I stood up and adjusted my collar, the room feeling warm for some reason. “I haven’t seen Emily since graduation. I’ve changed a lot since then. I’m sure she has too.” I found it hard to look at her. She stood up and place a gentle hand on my arm as I crossed them over my chest. “You were a good friend to her back then James, she could use one when she gets back.” 

“I know teenagers think parents don’t know anything, but I know how much she thought of you.” I nodded and tried my best to seem excited and happy for her news. “I thought the world of her as well. I’d be happy to be her friend if she needs one. And of course her Priest if she still goes to church that is.” She groaned and rolled her eyes, “I don’t know with that girl. I guess we will just have to see what happens when she gets here tomorrow.” 

Tomorrow?! That soon? I’m not ready! There’s not enough time to prepare for something like this! “Oh, tomorrow, we’ll thats wonderful! Maybe you can convince her to come to Sunday’s Mass. I was just writing the sermon and it’s a good one if I say so myself.” She just beamed with happiness. “I’ll do my best! I’m sure she’d want to see you again, I’m sure of it. Anyway, I’ve taken up enough of your time Father. Thank you for seeing me.” 

We said our goodbyes and I closed my office door as she left. I let out the breath I was holding and put my back against the door. “Tomorrow. Lord help me, I’m not ready...I may never be ready to see her again.” Raking my hands down my face I paused as I saw how much they were shaking. I needed to get a grip on myself!

I went back to my desk and closed my eyes, bowed my head in prayer. “Father, please help me. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to see her again. It’s been ten years and my heart still leaps at the sound of her name. I need your guidance and strength Lord, for I am weak. My vows to you and the church mean so much to me, I can’t let my feeling for Emily cloud my judgement. Help me to be the friend she needs and hopefully an inspiration for her to come back into your graces.”

I made the sign of the cross as “Amen” left my lips, eyes clouding with worry as I looked down at my sermon. The subject was on temptation...the irony of the situation not lost on me. There was no way I would be able to do this sermon now, not when there will be a great possibility of Emily Martin being one of the many amongst those sitting in the pews come Sunday. She was and always will be, my greatest temptation...and now just as much as ever, a forbidden fruit.

I leaned back in my chair and stared at the ceiling. My mind wandered to ten years ago. Emily was one of my best friends. We had so much in common and our relationship was as smooth as silk. The only problem was I was dating her best friend Mandy at the time. It wasn’t until almost graduation that I realized I had fallen in love with Emily. I wanted to be with her so badly and I had thought she might feel the same way. 

Our eyes would meet and linger on the other. The way she would gasp slightly when I came near. Her cheeks turning pink when I gave her my winning flirty smile I was so good at back then. I had decided to end it with Mandy after graduation since I didn’t want the event clouded by the breakup. Especially when I was going to tell her how I felt for Emily. I knew that wouldn’t go over so well.

I made it to her house in time to see her jump on the back of a Harley with Dylan Gregory. Her mother was yelling at her to not do this to herself and it wasn’t too late to make the right decision. I on the other hand, was too late. The Bike roared to life and Emily sped away, from Skillman, from her mother and out of my life. My heart shattered. Tears fell like waterfalls as I watched the dust settle. 

Emily’s mother had seen me there, weeping at her loss. I ran away when she tried to talk to me. I haven’t spoken of Emily since that day, until now. I thought that ten years would have lessened my love for her, but instead it’s fire has resurfaced and burns in my heart. I yearn and also fear to see her again. 

I groaned out loud as I raked my hands through my hair. In frustration, I hit the delete button and erased the whole sermon I had typed. “Time to start over. God help me to get through this Sunday with my vows still intact, because I definitely can’t do this without your help.” I began the long task of rewriting the sermon that took me two days to type. This is going to be a very long day indeed. 

Six hours later I had finally finished the new sermon. My fingers ached as well as my back...yet also my heart. Where does a Priest go when he needs to talk? I pulled out my cell phone and dialed his number. He answered on the second ring. “Hey Bucky! How’s it going?” I leaned my head into my other hand as I spoke, elbow propped up on my desk. “Steve...I need to see you.” 

His light hearted sound changed immediately. “Bucky? What’s wrong?” I swallowed hard and squeezed my eyes shut tight as I answered him. “She’s coming back...Emily. I don’t know what to do.” There was a few moments of silence before he spoke again. “Are you at the church?” I practically whispered yes to him. “I’ll be right there.” The line went dead as he hung up.


	3. Telling The Truth

Emily

I slowly made my way through the terminal toward baggage claim, eyes cast down, not wanting to look anyone in the eyes. I felt that if they saw me, they’d instantly know what a true fuck-up I was. The bruises were a huge neon sign over my head that screamed out “Victim! Abused! Loser!”

I heard my name called and I chanced a peek up, seeing my mother practically dancing on her toes and waving frantically. I gave her a weak smile and waved back...well, here goes nothing. She rushed to me and threw her arms around my body, hugging me tight. “Oh my God! I’m so glad you’re home!”

I hugged her back, burying my face into her neck and shoulder, smelling her perfume that she has always worn. It smelled like home. “Me too Momma.” I guess my voice sounded a bit too sad for her liking so she pulled back and looked at me. I inwardly cringed as her eyes widened as they roamed over my face. I chewed on the inside of my cheek nervously.

My eyes met hers and I could see a deep sadness settle there. She smiled in sympathy, “Come on, let’s get you home and settled. Then we’ll have a nice hot cup of tea..hmm, that sound good Baby girl?” I wanted to hug her all over again because she didn’t say anything about my face. 

I stayed quiet on the car ride home as Mom rattled on about this and that. I didn’t pay much attention until I heard the name James. “Hmm? What did you say?” She grinned at me, knowing full well I wasn’t listening to her all this time. “I said I talked to James yesterday, he’s very excited to see you again.” A whirlwind of memories came flooding to the forefront of my mind at just the mention of his name.

“He is?” She nodded and turned down our street. “Oh yes, absolutely, in fact he wants you to come to church with me tomorrow so he can see you.” I returned looking out the window, my thoughts so scattered that I didn’t know what to even say to that. “I..I’ll think about it.” God knows I haven’t step foot in a church since I was 18 years old. 

We got my things settled into my old room that looked as if nothing had changed in ten years. My band posters were still hanging on the walls. “I’m going to go make us some tea, why don’t you relax a bit while it’s brewing, ok?” I nodded and sat down on my bed. “Ok. Thank you Momma.” That same sad smile crept on her face again, “You’re welcome.”

She closed my door to give me some privacy. I laid back onto my pillow and felt the exhaustion of the past few weeks settle into my bones. The thought of seeing Bucky again after all these years was terrifying. Not that I’m scared of him, but of how he made me feel. Though surely those feelings aren’t as strong as before. Maybe seeing him again will give me some kind of closure. Who knows, maybe he’s fat and has five kids by now. Surely that would help, right? Probably not.

After a small cat nap, Mom and I had that cup of tea, and a very long talk. I decided it was best to come clean, no more hiding. She cried, I cried...we both hugged like there was no tomorrow. Afterwards, I sighed heavily as I looked at her, “I think I will go to church tomorrow, if that’s ok?” She beamed with excitement, “Absolutely! You’ll see Emily, going to church will make you feel so much better...I promise.”

The next morning I rummaged through my clothes, trying to find something appropriate to wear. The closest I came was a pretty baby blue sun dress with spaghetti straps. I put it on and looked at myself in the mirror, the dress came to just above my knees. I walked down the hall to see my mom. “Mom, is this ok?” She looked me over, “My goodness Emily, when did you get to be so beautiful.” 

Apparently the dress was approved by mom, though she said it’s a little less modest than what she’s use to. It did show some cleavage, but not too bad. I decided to leave my hair down. It was long to my mid back, light brown that fell in waves from the slight natural curl. It also helped hide the bruises on my back that the dress didn’t cover. 

I fidgeted as we drove to the church, nervously looking at every face I saw, checking to see if they were Bucky. No such luck. We parked and made our way to the entrance. People were slowing going in, greeting the priest as they entered. I couldn’t see who it was due to the crowd of people, but I did get a glimpse of his robes. I knew Father Gregory was nearing retiring age when I left. Surely he can’t still be the priest.

As I began to climb the stairs to go in, a few steps from the top, the crowd cleared and I gasped, freezing to the spot, unable to move. “Bucky?!” His Head whipped around at the sound of his name and our eyes met. He gasped and his eyes widened. “Bucky?” My mom tried to push me forward, “Come on Dear, we’re holding people up.”

I slowly walked up those last few steps, our eyes never leaving the other. I knew in that moment that no matter how many years have passed, I still was head over hills in love with him. And right now, fully turned on! Oh God! What the actual Hell?! He was hotter than he was as a teenager. Broad strong shoulders and deep blue green eyes. His brown lochs blew across his forehead from the breeze. 

“Emily? I..” We stood in front of the other, my heart pounding. “I’m glad you could come today.” He smiled warmly after swallowing hard. The sound of his voice sent shivers down my spine. “You’re a priest?” I tried to hide my disappointment from my tone, but I doubt I did a good job of it. “Uh, Yeah I am, did your Mom not tell you?” All I could do was shake my head no.

Goosebumps prickled my skin as he reached down and took my hand in his. Electricity seemed to shoot up my whole arm. He rakes his thumb across my knuckles, “Come find me after the service...we’ll catch up, ok?” My mouth was practically falling open in shock...he’s a priest?!? My mom pushed me forward again and my hand slipped from his, our fingers grazing the other. 

I turned away from him and was led toward the front of the church and into a pew. The moment we sat down I turned toward my mother. “Why didn’t you tell me he was a priest?!” Her eyes widened and she shushed me, “Shhh not so loud, we’re in church remember. I didn’t tell you because I wanted it to be a surprise.” I turned toward the front, “Well, I’m definitely surprised.”

Mass started and I was mesmerized by him. His voice was every bit a turn on as his incredible looks. Fuck! Why couldn’t he have gotten ugly?! I licked my bottom lip and pulled it into my mouth, my top teeth scraping it harshly as I looked him over. His eyes met mine and I could have swore he shuddered, but it could have been my imagination. Dear Lord! I’m going to burn in Hell for being in love with and lusting after a fucking Priest! What is wrong with me?!?

By the time Mass was over, I felt flushed and on edge. I don’t even think I remember one word of the sermon. Mom was introducing me to some of her friends when I heard someone clear their throat behind me. “Emily.” I turned on my heels and there he stood. “Hi.” My voice was barely over a whisper. “Do you want to grab a coffee with me? Catch up?” Oh fucking hell yes I do! 

I made to talk and my voice squeaked so I tried again. “Sure. Where do you...” I looked around not sure where he wanted to go. He cocked his head toward the back, “We can go to my office if you like. I need to get out of these robes anyway, they are very hot.” I gulped, “Yes they are.” My eyes widened hoping he didn’t hear the lust dripping from my voice. He smiled and turned around, leading the way.

We passed a few Nuns on the way to his office. I recognized the door immediately. “Father Gregory called me in here once...I got reprimanded for putting gum in Steve’s hair.” He laughed, “Steve told me about that. He had to shave his head to get it all out.” His laugh sounded wonderful, it made me want to curl into his chest and nuzzle his neck to feel his throat vibrate with it. I really do need to get a grip!

My nerves went up ten fold as he shut his office door behind me, closing us off from the rest of the world. “Excuse me while I take these off real quick, then I’ll start a pot of coffee.” I nodded and watched with wide eyes and he stripped out of his long white robes. He was dressed in black slacks and shirt, his clerical white collar showing. A low whimper left my mouth and his eyes turned to me. I could have swore his eyes darkened, even if only for a minute. Or maybe it was just my imagination. Because there is no way a priest would lust after someone...right?!

He averted his eyes momentarily, taking a deep breath before turning back towards me. He slowly approached me, our eyes locked onto the other. He was close enough for me to reach out and touch him if I wanted, and I so wanted. “Emily, I’ve missed you.” His voice was lower than normal, making my heart ache. “I’ve missed you too.”

My eyes looked down at his lips, I licked mine subconsciously, wishing I could know what his tasted like. It’s such a pity, no one will ever get the chance to properly taste them. His lips parted taking in a deep breath, we seemed to be closer than before, I’m not sure who moved. I could smell what I assumed was his cologne or soap that made him smell like heaven. “Emily...you can’t say that to me..” I jerked my head up, not knowing what I must have said outloud.

“I’m...oh God! I’m sorry Bucky, I mean James...shit! Oops! Sorry, I mean Father James. Oh God someone shoot me!!” I buried my face into my palms, trying to hide my embarrassment. He grabbed my hands and pried them slowly from my face. “If there was ever a person I wanted to have taste my lips...it would be you. It has always been you.” My heart nearly exploded in my chest!

I opened my mouth to speak, only to realize I had no idea how to respond. Thankfully he talked first. “I debated for hours yesterday on how I’d react when I saw you again after all these years. I had made the decision to keep my distance, ignore our history and try my hardest to choke down every feeling I’ve ever had for you. It was my decision...until I saw you on those steps. All of that flew out the window.” I was literally shaking, hearing him speak in such a way..about me. This can’t be real?!

“I wanted to tell you so many times back then how I felt. I broke up with Mandy to try and be with you.” What?!? What the actual fuck?!? “But that never happened. You drove away from me and Skillman on the back of a Harley. It broke my heart into a million pieces.” A tear slipped down my cheek. He released one of my hands that he was gently stroking, to wipe it away. 

“Why...why didn’t you say something?” My voice sounded frail and full of emotion. “It was all so complicated. I was with Mandy and didn’t want to hurt her, especially right before graduation. I may be a lot of things, but a jerk isn’t one of them.” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. He had feelings for me! The one person I wanted more than anything and I ran away from him, ruining my life! 

“Is that why you became a priest?” He smiled and shook his head. “No, that is a whole other long story.” I took a step closer, my chest barely brushing his, “I’d love to hear it.” I knew my voice was dripping with want, even I heard it. I couldn’t seem to help myself, even though I knew what we were doing was wrong...so very wrong. Yet why did it feel so right? 

“Emily..” he leaned in and set his hands on my hips, his grip tightening as I saw the war raging in his eyes. He was battling his heart and his mind. “I want nothing more than to kiss you right now.” I gasped slightly as he pulled me even closer. My hands gripped onto his shirt. “But I can’t...God help me Emily, but I can’t. My vows won’t allow it. But I can’t hide from this anymore, I needed you to know...know how much you meant to me...mean to me.”

He cupped my cheek and wiped another tear away. His eyes crinkled in concern and his demeanor immediately changed as he moved my hair back over my shoulder. “Emily? What is this? Who did this to you?!” His thumb brushed over a sensitive bruise and I flinched, moving out of his arms. “I..it’s nothing...I’m sorry...I need to go, Mom is waiting on me.” 

I turned immediately and opened his office door, quickly leaving him standing there with a mixture of emotions playing across his face. I felt like a complete coward! I couldn’t let Bucky see just how much of a mess I really was. Because if he did, he wouldn’t even give me a second thought. 

I rushed past my mother in the parking lot to get to the car. “Done already Dear? That was quick.” I stood by the passenger door and refused to look her in the eye. “Can we just go home now please, I’m tired.” She sighed and unlocked the doors. “Alright, we’ll go home.” A few minutes later after a silent car ride to the house, she finally spoke up. “Emily, one of these days you are going to have to quit running away from your problems. You gotta put your big girl panties on and deal with your crap like the rest of us.” I stared at her with wide eyes as she got out of the car and went into the house. Problem was...I knew she was right.


	4. Relieving Tension

Bucky

I sat at my desk with my head in my hands, praying for what felt like hours. I felt relieved for finally telling Emily how I felt...well, not really. I never did come out and say how much I love her. It was the one thing I held back. If I had said it to her, and if she were to say it back...I doubt my willpower would have held up. 

I chastised myself for allowing my baser needs to get the better of me. I craved her like a drug, my fingers itched to touch her more than just those beautiful hips. A groan left my mouth and I leaned further down, banging my forehead on my desk slightly. “I take it the reunion didn’t go well?” I jerked up and saw Steve leaning against my doorframe. I never even heard him come in.

I motioned toward the door, “Close it please.” He closed the door and came to sit on my couch, arms stretched out along the back of it. “You gonna tell me about it?” I sighed and rubbed my hands down my face. “I failed. I’m a horrible priest!” He frowned, “Bucky, no you’re not. You’re human. With emotions and needs like the rest of us. Hell, you know how I feel about the whole celibacy thing anyway.” I rolled my eyes at his cursing. He does it to tease me.

“She feels the same way.” I had barely spoke it loud enough, but he heard it, eyes going wide. “What?! Oh man...and here I thought it was just a one way street. Damn! This changes things.” I groaned again, “Exactly! I don’t think she meant to say it outloud, but she said it was a pity that no one would know what my lips taste like. I...I wanted to drop to my knees right then and there and profess my love!”

Steve stood up and came to my side of the desk, hand going to my shoulder. “I wish I could tell you this will be easy, but it’s not. If your vows to the church mean more to you than Emily, then you’re going to have to somehow live with these feelings...and not act on them. You..haven’t acted on them, have you?” 

I looked up at him and he saw the guilt on my face. “You did didn’t you! Whoa! Bucky! This is huge!!” I quickly shook my head, “No! No I didn’t really act on it..sorta...I..I touched her.” Steve cocked his head a bit, “Touched, how exactly?” I saw the smirk on his face. “Stop it! Not like that! I just, held her hips, pulling her close to me...God help me she felt and smelled so good!” 

I stood up and rounded my desk, pacing back and forth. “You should have heard her Steve..she practically moaned as I touched her! How do I ignore that?!? Do you know how long I’ve wanted to hear that?!” He grabbed me by my shoulders to keep me from pacing, “Yes I do. I was there Pal, Darcy and I both knew how you felt for her. I think Mandy did too, even before you broke up with her. You can’t hide a love like that, it’s impossible.” He and I both realized at the same time what he had said...impossible to hide. I was truly and royally screwed!

I remembered her cheek below my fingers and frowned, “Something has happened to her Steve. When I stroked her cheek, her tears wiped away some makeup on her face. She had bruises...a lot of them. Her mom said she had gotten into some trouble with a guy in California. She freaked out when I asked her about it, ran away from here like Hell was on her heels.” Steve looked worried.

“Is she running away from something again, sounds like Emily. At least this time she ran home. Perhaps she could use someone to talk to.” I rolled my eyes at him, “Very funny Steve. You know how that would go.” He laughed, “I’m not talking about you dork, I’m talking about Darcy.” Oh..”Yeah, that is actually a way better choice than me. Is she up for it? Isn’t she about to give birth any day now?” 

“She’s got about two weeks to go, besides, she’s an old pro at this, it is our fourth.” I saw the way his face lit up with such love as he spoke of his wife. “Do you think she would, you know, talk to Emily?” He grinned and pulled out his phone, texting Darcy. He waited a moment and grinned wide. “She said absolutely! That she’s head over there as soon as I get home to watch the kids. Well, I guess I better get going huh. Take it easy Bucky, don’t be hard on yourself. Remember, you’re human. It’s not natural to not have these feelings.”

He left and I actually felt a bit better. I always do whenever I talk to him. I guess that’s why we’ve been best friends since high school. He’s right though...I’ve always known it, that it’s impossible to hide that kind of love. The big question is, if I can’t hide it, then what am I going to do about it? The problem it seems is that Emily obviously wants me just as much as I want her. That’s where the problem lies.

My fingers flexed as I remembered the feel of her cotton sundress. The way her hips felt as I pulled her in. The slight moan that left her lips as I pulled her even closer, her eyes locked onto my lips. Her tongue slipping out and sliding along her bottom lip, enticing my own to do the same. My eyes shot open and I leaned heavily into my desk, hands gripping the mahogany tight as I tried to will the current situation in my slacks to go down. 

I reached down to adjust myself since it became very uncomfortable. The moment my hand touched myself I hissed and clenched my eyes tight. Just the simplest of touches and I was already throbbing. My heart beat wildly in my chest, I needed to do something otherwise I risked one of the Nun’s seeing me like this! Even walking was difficult, the rub of clothing against my erection felt like a small pleasurable torture!

I couldn’t even remember the last time I was like this, you know, besides the usual morning wood that all men seem to get. I’ve repressed my feelings so deep inside me that I refused to allow myself to feel. And now that I have, it’s like a title wave wanting to take me over. My eyes scanned the room and landed on my bathroom door...could I do it? It was very wrong! But giving in to my feelings to Emily would be worse. Perhaps I just need to choose the lesser of two evils.

With a resigned groan, I went to my bathroom and locked the door behind me. Thankfully the Nuns usually wouldn’t disturb me for an hour or so after Mass. I usually used this time for prayer and reflection. That gave me at least twenty minutes before anyone would come near my office. It was plenty of time. 

I looked around the room, trying to decide how I would do this. Considering I haven’t masterbated since before I went to seminary, this wasn’t an easy decision to make. I cringed as I looked at the toilet, no way I’m doing this there! Well...I guess standing up is the only other option I had. I grabbed a handful of tissue and set it on the counter for when I finished.

I undid my belt and slacks, letting it loosen enough to reach in and pull out my hard cock. My eyes closed on reflex as my fingers curled around the hardness. I tightened my fingers and the pleasure it sent up my spine almost made me call out. I bit my lip to remain quiet, I couldn’t let anyone hear me! I looked at myself in the mirror above the sink where I had my other hand gripping the marble countertop. I watched my face contort in pleasure as I stroked up to my tip. Dear God! 

My hips pushed forward and pushed me further into my fist. Once I started, I couldn’t stop! I panted as my fist pumped me hard and fast, my tip leaking pre-cum all over my knuckles. I whimpered and images of Emily entered my mind. I pictured her as the one touching me, those delicate fingers the one bringing me so much pleasure! 

I bit my lip, tasting blood as I pictured her naked beneath me. Legs spread wide, inviting me in, welcoming me into her depths. A moan left my throat as I saw in my mind my cock sliding in and out of her, wet with her juices, my name on her lips! I hunched over the vanity and gasped as my orgasm slammed into me with so much force that I almost went to my knees. 

I pumped hard and fast as I fell over that edge into bliss! My hips were thrusting hard into my hand as thick spurts of cum left my cock and painted the counter top and the front of the vanity. I was sweating and shaking when it was all said and done. I groaned as I realized I forgot to use the tissue, knowing I was going to have to clean this all up. But God did I ever feel better!! 

I slipped my now flaccid penis back into my pants and redid my belt. With a deep sense of shame I cleaned up and went back to my desk to meditate and pray. Maybe if I can do this...masterbate...maybe just maybe I can control myself around Emily. In the back of my mind, I knew I was only deluding myself, but I had to do something.


	5. Dream A Little Dream

Emily 

The cool water from the faucet helped to calm me down. I leaned over the sink and took deep steadying breaths to ease my nerves. Grabbing a hand towel I dried my face and stared at my reflection in the mirror. Turning to the side and pulling back my hair, I examined the bruises, green and healing, but still there. I hated that Bucky saw them!

I squeezed my eyes shut tight and tried to will away the feel of his hands on me, the breathy moan of my name on his lips, the smell of his skin. I cursed God in my head for making him a priest! Why?! I knew we could never be together! No matter how much we both wanted it!

I felt like a complete piece of shit! My own stupidity caused all of this because I ran away ten years ago. If I had waited just one damn day, no telling what my life would be like right now. I know for sure though that Bucky would be mine. Because once I had him I would have never let him go, he means too much to me.

I cursed my own reflection and turned away from it, unable to even look at myself any longer. Mom was right, I need to stop running away and deal with my problems. This problem though was a doozy. How do you get over a man you will see quite often, knowing he wants you too. It’s so unfair! I felt as if God was punishing me!

I opened my bathroom door that led into my bedroom and nearly jumped out of my skin. “About time you came out, was starting to think you were masterbating in there.” My eyes bulged out of my head and I squealed in excitement. “Oh my God!! Darcy!! You’re here!! And holy shit, very pregnant!!” I had went to run to her where she was sitting on my bed but paused seeing her huge belly.

“Really?” She rubbed a hand over her belly, “All this time I thought I was just bloated, but that would explain the constant attack on my bladder.” We both laughed and hugged, Well the best we could anyway. I giggled, “I think your kid just kicked me.” She pulled back and giggled too, “Yeah, she does that a lot.”

“So it’s a girl? Is she your first?” I didn’t talk to mom much while in California so I didn’t really get to hear too much about my friends. In fact I avoided the conversation all together. “Oh hell no! It’s my fourth.” I mouthed the word fourth with shocked eyes. “Wow Darce! Holy shit!” She laughed and sat back down on the bed. “You would have known that if you had kept in touch. I’ve missed you Emily.”

I sat down next to her and picked at a pleat on my dress, “I know, I’m sorry about that. I’ve been a complete idiot. I’m going to try and fix that though. I’m glad you’re here.” I looked up at her and she brushed my hair behind my ear. I grimaced, knowing she could see my bruises. “Oh Emily, what Bastard do I need to gut that did this to you?” Her eyes looked sad but also fierce.

I turned my face away and took a deep breath. “He’s in jail.” I heard her gasp, “My God! They are on your back too! Jesus Christ Em!” I stood up, knowing full disclosure was a step in doing things the right way for once. “That’s not all.” I went over to my closet to grab clothes to change into. Darcy motioned for me to continue.

I found my hands trembling as I undressed. I turned, covering my breasts and looked at Darcy. She stood up with wide eyes as she looked me over. “Oh...oh Emily..” she walked around and looked at my back and I heard another gasp. “Sweety, how are you able to walk right now?” I quickly put on the T-shirt and slid on a pair of shorts. “I’m use to the pain...I deal.”

I sat back down on the bed and she sat beside me. “Want to talk about it? Steve asked me to come check on you. Bucky told him about the bruises he saw. He’s worried. Tell you the truth, so am I.” We sat for quite a while as I retold the sad story of my life at the hand of my Ex. “Bastard’s lucky he’s in jail, cuz if he wasn’t, I’d taser his balls untill they go pop!” I couldn’t help but laugh, knowing full well that she would do it.

She caught me up on what’s been going on with her and Steve. They married not long after high school. Steve became a Firefighter and Darcy a physics teacher. I knew she’d do something like that, she’s smart as a whip! “What happened to Bucky? How in the world did he become a priest?” She sighed and rubbed her belly. “That...that may be a story that he needs to tell you. But I can say it has to do a lot with his Mom. She died four years ago.”

I gasped, “What? Mrs. Barnes died?! No! She was so sweet!” Darcy nodded in agreement. “How did she die?” Darcy looked at me with such a sad expression that I knew I needed to brace myself for whatever she was about to say. “Bucky’s Dad killed her. He beat her to death. Apparently his Dad was an abusive son of a bitch. No one knew about it...well, I think Steve suspected something when he saw bruises on Bucky once, but he always denied it.” 

My head was swimming! Bucky’s Dad abused him? And his Mom?! Oh my God!! Poor Bucky!! I had an overwhelming urge to rush to him, wrap him in my arms and kiss every bad memory away. But I knew I couldn’t. “No one knows why Bucky suddenly up and left for seminary. He had just graduated, he had his Bachelors degree in Psychology and Sociology. He wanted to be a therapist. He gave it all up.”

It was such a huge difference than what he always wanted to do. “I remember how much he said he wanted to help people. Me too, it’s why I became a nurse. I just don’t get it, how he suddenly changed his life’s course to something so dramatic!” Darcy huffed, “I know right?! Steve didn’t understand it either. But he was his friend and supported his decision.”

I stood up, feeling anxious and fidgety, I needed to move. I looked out my window and sighed heavily. “I know you’re in love with him Emily. He loves you too, he always will.” I broke down and sobbed, arms wrapping around myself. “I know! It hurts Darcy, it hurts so damn bad to know I can never have him! All because of his God Damn oath and vow to the church!”

She got up and hugged me, speaking softly to me. You could tell she’s had practice at soothing someone crying. “I know what Steve wants me to tell you and probably what I should tell you. But I’m gonna tell you what I think.” She turned me around and held me by the shoulders. “I’d go tap the shit out of his Priestly ass and make him regret ever taking his vows! Make him give it up for you! I mean that’s what I would do if it were Steve. But ya know, you do what you think is right and what not.”

I looked at her and just burst out laughing, “I’ve missed you so much Darcy! You are just simply the best!” She shrugged and gave me a smirk, “I know. And I’ve missed you too.” We visited for a while longer before she had to get back home. “Don’t want to leave Steve home too long with the boys, they will have my house tore apart if I did. Thank God I’m finally having a girl!” After another big hug, she left. 

I sat down Indian style on my bed and contemplated all that Darcy told me. Especially when it comes to Bucky. I know professing my love to him and going after him wouldn’t be in his best interest, even though I wanted to desperately. I didn’t know what would happen to Bucky if he were to get caught in a compromising position. Would he be excommunicated or something?! I knew his faith meant the world to him, I don’t think I could ever do that to him.

I groaned in frustration and plopped back onto my pillows, staring up at the glow in the dark stars that were still glued to the ceiling. I eventually felt my eyes begin to droop as sleep soon took me over. I’m not sure how long I dozed, because when I woke up to a loud thud, the sky outside was almost dark. A loud gasp left my mouth as I saw who was standing in my bedroom doorway. “Bucky?”

He was out of his black suit and priest collar and wore jeans and a black T-shirt that hugged him in all the right places. Fuck!! Man he took care of himself! He was fucking ripped! His eyes were intense as he stared at me from the doorway, his chest heaving as if he had been running. When he didn’t answer me or even move, I spoke again, “Bucky, what are you doing here?”

His eyes roamed my body, lingering on my long bare legs revealed by the short sleep shorts I had put on. The white T-shirt I wore was very thin, he could definitely tell I wasn’t wearing a bra. “I needed to make sure you were ok.” His voice was low, dripping with not only lust but fear. “Darcy...she told me...about your bruises.” Shit! Of course she did! 

I scooted toward the end of my bed and let my feet fall to the floor. “What about them?” My heart was hammering in my chest as he inches closer to where I sat, eyes never leaving mine. “I know she told you about my Dad...I needed to know, I needed to see...I can’t bare the thought of anyone hurting you...not you.” I heard the tremble in his voice and I needed to touch him more than anything.

I stood up as he came even closer, his eyes scanned my face and landed on the bruises now more visible. His breath came out in a stutter. He reached up suddenly and I flinched, it was involuntary. He froze and his eyes widened, “I’m not going to hurt you. I could never hurt you. I’d rather die first.” My heart aches as I took a step closer, allowing him to touch me. My eyes closed as he cupped my cheek and gently touched my bruises with his thumb. I didn’t open my eyes again until I felt his breath against my face.

He was so close, my breasts touched his chest with every inhale I took. He was breathing just as hard as I was, the struggle in his eyes nearly made me choose for him and lean in, but I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t make this decision for him. “Emily..” He slipped the hand on my cheek into my hair and cupped the back of my neck, pulling me forward. I gasped as our lips were now centimeters from touching. His eyes were closed, body shaking all over with tension.

His right hand went to my low back and pressed me even closer and I couldn’t hold back the low moan that slipped out of my mouth. He growled and pulled me the rest of the way, taking my lips in a heated kiss that I felt all the way down to my toes. I gasped as his hand went underneath my T-shirt and slid up my back. I felt his tongue take advantage of my gasp and slipped into my mouth.

My hands tangled in his hair, pulling him even closer if it were possible. The next thing I knew we were tumbling back onto my bed. His lips trailed down the column of my throat as his thigh between my legs pressed into my core. I ground up into him and moaned, raking my nails across his scalp. He thrust his hips forward and I was panting with need as I felt him hard on my hip. 

I nearly screamed when his mouth closed around a pebbled peak of my breast over my T-shirt, teeth scraping it and making me whimper. I pulled him hard by his hair and made his lips return to mine. I wanted him so badly! I needed him now! I was throbbing and hungry for him to fill me, make me his, now and forever. “Bucky!!” I called out his name, breaking the kiss as his hand went under my shirt and cupped my naked breast. 

“Bucky! Take me! Please!! I want you!” Another growl was heard deep down in his chest. He spread my legs wider, positioning himself between them. He knelt before me and pulled off his shirt, eyes dark with lust and I watched him undo his belt, a loud whooshing sound heard as his belt was pulled from the loops. I quickly shed what clothes I wore as he unbuttoned his jeans and released his throbbing hard cock.

I moaned and licked my lips, wanting to taste him so badly, but the need between my thighs was greater. I whined and laid back, beckoning him forward. He kissed up my body, hiking my leg up over his hip as he went. “God Emily! I’ve dreamt of this...making love to you! I want you, more than anything.” We held each other’s gaze as he slid home into me.

I awoke trembling from the orgasm I had in my sleep. I looked down at myself and saw I was fully clothed, the sun was still out and Bucky was nowhere to be seen. It was all just a dream, a sweet and torturous dream! I flopped back and groaned loudly. It had felt so real! I wanted nothing more than for it to be real!! 

And that’s how the next month played out. Intense sexual tension when I went to church with Mom, only to come home and dream of him in all sorts of naughty ways. I wasn’t sure how much more I could take before I snapped. I needed Bucky so bad that I could taste it!


	6. Confession Is Good For The Soul

Emily

I was beyond frustrated, not just sexually, but emotionally as well. Apparently this month was busy for the church and fundraisers, which my mom played a huge roll in. Which means so was I considering she suckered me into helping her. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t agree to it just to be able to see Bucky more. Because I definitely did.

First was the bake sale, which had me set up right next to where Bucky stood to greet incoming visitors. Then came the auction and after that a pork chop take home lunch. Not to mention every Wednesday night we worked in the soup kitchen to help feed the homeless. 

Out of all of these events, there was one that really stood out as the most frustrating. The annual church picnic today. It was warm and an absolute beautiful day, perfect weather for a picnic. Bucky wore gym shorts and a sleeveless shirt to play baseball with the other men from the church. He was so God Dam beautiful that it made me want to weep.

All day he would make up an excuse to be near me for some reason. He’d brush up against me, his touch lingering when nobody was looking. I had tried to find some alone time with him to talk, but we never got a chance so I decided a more upfront approach was necessary.

“Bu..Father James, can I speak to you for a moment?” He was talking to Steve. “Absolutely...Ill be right back Pal.” He waved bye to Steve and followed me. I had him follow me to an area that was least crowded. “Hi.” He grinned and seemed to lean in toward me, “Hi yourself.” I could feel my cheeks heating up under his gaze. My heart rate kicking up and he hasn’t even touched me.

“I was wondering if I could come by the church tomorrow and see you. You know, talk.” I fidgeted and chewed on my bottom lip from how nervous I was. He smiled and then his face suddenly fell, a deep groan leaving his lips. “I can’t! I have to leave later this afternoon to go to New York for a meeting. In fact I’m going to have to leave here soon in order to pack.” I definitely didn’t hide my disappointment. “Oh.”

His hand reached out to me, only to freeze a few inches from my face and quickly lower it to his side, fist clenching. “I’m sorry Emily, I wish I could. Maybe when I get back. I’d love to see you.” His voice had deepened slightly that made me clench my thighs at the way his voice made me tingle with want. 

We made arrangements to meet up when he got back in a week. I hated seeing him walk away from me. I look forward to anytime I can be near him or have those beautiful and hypnotic eyes on me. Not to mention those barely there touches that make me so hungry for him that I practically tremble with need. I can tell I affect him the same way.

Once the picnic was over, I didn’t go home. I was way too tense and needed a drink like no ones business. Since mom doesn’t keep liquor in the house, that only meant one thing. A bar! I stepped into the establishment and sidled up to the counter, ordering a Jack and Coke. I slowly sipped the drink, enjoying the burn in my throat as it slid down.

I didn’t want to get drunk, but I definitely had enough to have a good buzz going. After refusing yet another man’s attempts at getting my attention, I decided it was time to go home. It was late, almost nine o’clock. God did that make me feel old! When did nine become late?! It just made me feel worse about my whole predicament!

On my way home I paused at the church, looking up at the beautiful architecture. It’s as if nothing had changed from when I was a kid. A thought occurred to me. I had told Mom, after she kept prying about what was bothering me, how stressed I was. She suggested I go to confession. “Confession is good for the heart and the soul.” 

Of course I could never let Bucky hear my confessions, considering it was mainly about him. But Bucky had told me earlier today before he left that a fill-in Priest would be here for the week he was going to be gone. So technically I could go to confession now. Maybe mom is right, maybe it will help me feel better.

I walked up the steps to the church and paused, taking a deep breath before pushing open the big wooden doors. The place was lit only by candles giving it an almost eerie look. Maybe no one was here. I looked over at the confessional and noticed the light on that let people know that the Priest was in fact present and available for your confession. Perfect!! 

Bucky

I hung up the phone with Father Martin and leaned back in my chair. He had called to cancel our meeting in New York. Several people had come down sick so the decision was made to reschedule. I was actually relieved to tell you the truth. I had been so disappointed about not being able to make plans sooner with Emily. 

Well, since I apparently had some time on my hands, I decided to check on supplies for the alter and confessional. Sure I could have the Nuns do it, but I actually liked doing it. Especially now, when I really needed to get my head on straight and think clearly. It hasn’t been easy this past month, in fact it’s been excruciatingly hard...pun intended. 

It was late by the time I finished refilling all the candles with oil. Everyone had gone home for the night, even the Nuns were gone. They never stayed past eight. The entire church was empty, except me and my thoughts. I usually used this time to talk to God. Not that I hear him answer me, but it does help to know he’s listening to me at least.

The only thing left to do was something I’ve been meaning to do for some time, fix the seat cushion in the confessional booth. The cushion was coming apart and needing to be stitched in a few places. I should just order a new one, but it wasn’t to that point just yet.

I grabbed a sewing kit from my office and stepped into the booth. The door closed on its own which startled me, making me jump and bump against the wall, unknowingly turning on the light that let parishioners know I was available to take their confessions. I set down the kit and leaned over to inspect the cushion to determine how I would fix the problem.

I stood up once I heard the large front doors of the church open. The church was never locked, always open to those in need of any spiritual guidance or prayer. No one ever comes in this late at night, which peaked my curiosity on who it possibly could be. It wasn’t until I heard footsteps coming my way that realized I had switched the light on by mistake. Well, I guess I’ll take a confession tonight before heading to bed.

I moved the sewing kit and took a seat. The door to the other side opened and closed with a loud thud. I heard a feminine voice curse under her breath and then groan at cursing. Emily?!? My heart rate spiked! Could it really be her? It sounded like her! My back went rigid as I heard her speak. “Forgive me Father, for I have Sinned.” It definitely was Emily! My mouth went dry!

“It’s been...well, ten years since my last confession. I know, a long time right?” I heard her giggle and then try to stifle it. I smelled alcohol, she must have been drinking. I couldn’t speak, so I just listened. “I bet you’re wondering why huh? I guess I just...I don’t know, hated God for a long time for not letting me be with the only man I have ever loved.” If my heart wasn’t beating fast before, it definitely was now!

“It’s all my fault that we can’t be together...he’s a Pr...well, we just can’t be together, even though I want to be with him more than anything.” I smiled at her restraint from calling me a Priest. “I have so many dirty thoughts about him Father...really filthy thoughts, it consumes me night and day. I dream of him every night...they make me touch myself.” 

My cock twitched in my black pants, making them get tighter by the second. The image of her masterbating while thinking about me had me hard. “Can I be honest with you Father?” I made a sound to hide my voice that let her know to continue. “Maybe it’s the alcohol in my system...oh, yeah...I did that too..but I can’t help myself. I mean...God!! I just want him to do so many things to me!”

I was practically panting with need, having to adjust myself several times already. Sweat beading out on my forehead. “I’d give anything to have him touch me, fuck me, lick me..Hell, spank me!! Jesus Christ! I want to ride him like a fucking horse and bounce on his hard cock like he’s a prize horse at the county fair!” I bit my fist to prevent myself from moaning out her name. She paused briefly before sighing, “Sorry Father, I cuss too...a lot. Man have I cussed a lot in ten years.” 

“I love him so much. I don’t know how to be without him. Not when I know he wants me too. It’s more than I’d ever thought possible. I ran away from Skillman because he was with my friend..I couldn’t hide my feelings anymore. I was so damn miserable knowing I couldn’t have him. I ruined my life! I picked men that were his complete opposite and it almost got me killed.” I could hear the sadness in her voice and it nearly made me weep with her.

“Oh...I guess there’s one more thing Father.” I was trembling all over as I listened carefully. “Is it a sin to constantly imagine what’s his cock feels like on my tongue? If it is...yeah I do that every damn day.” I lost all ability to stay still, the damn broke inside me! I stood up and left the booth, throwing open her side, making her squeal in fright. 

Her eyes were huge, heat flushing her cheeks as she realized it had been me the whole time. Her voice was timid and frail, “F..Father James...” I growled and launched myself into the booth and caged her in, “Father James isn’t here right now!” I took her lips in a desperate kiss and trembled as she moaned. I stood her up and switched positions. 

I sat down on the bench and pulled her into my lap. I couldn’t control myself any longer, hands, tongue and teeth explored everything I could reach in the small confines of the booth. I ripped open the front of her shirt, sending buttons flying everywhere, bouncing off the walls, throwing the offending garment in the floor. Pushing her bra down, I latched onto a pert nipple and relished the feeling of her whimpering and thrusting her hips into mine.

She let out a frustrated whine and pushed her right hand between us, undoing my belt and pants. My lips pulled away from her breast with a loud wet pop as I felt her fingers wrap around my length, pulling me from my slacks and stroke me. I threw my head back and moaned, pressing up into her hand. “God, Emily!!” She shifted up onto her knees, her skirt already hiked up from where my hands were roaming her rear and pulled the crotch of her panties aside. 

I almost choked on my tongue as she slammed down onto me! We both cried out, the feeling so exquisite that it almost seemed fitting that it was in a church, because it felt like I was having a religious experience! We held onto each other, panting and moaning each other’s names over and over as she rode me hard and fast! Yet it still didn’t feel like enough!! 

I suddenly pulled her off of me, she growled out in frustration. I grabbed her and turned her around, pressing her face toward the back of the confessional booth, her hands holding onto the wall. I lifted her skirt and kicked her legs apart wider. She gasped as I slammed back into her, gripping her hips painfully hard. I knew she would probably have bruises but at the moment I just couldn’t care less!

Leaning over her back I slid my hands over hers on the wall, linking our fingers together as I continued to fuck her relentlessly. The sound of our skin slapping was echoing all over the church sanctuary. Her moans sounding as if angels were singing in the rafters. She began to shake, “Oh God!! Fuck!! B..Bucky, I’m gonna cum!!! Fuck, fuck fuck!! I’m cuming!! I’m cuming!!!” Her rosary bounced and dangled between her naked breasts violently.

Her walls clamped around me as she orgasmed, sending me hurtling toward my end right along with her! As we stood there and tried to regain our breath, I held her close to my chest, pressing gentle kisses to her shoulder and neck. “I love you.” Her voice was soft and almost too low to hear...but I heard it anyway and it broke me. I shook as I cried, burying my face into her back. Between sobs I finally got out the words I have longed to say for over ten years. “I love you Emily...God help me, I love you so much!”


	7. I Love You

Emily

Tears dripped off my cheeks and onto the cushion of the booth. His sobs broke my heart. His spent cock had slipped from inside me so I pushed up away from the wall and turned slowly around, my knees shaking still and feeling like jello. His face was bathed in his own tears, eyes squeezed shut. I hiccuped around a sob and took him into my arms, hugging him tightly to my body.

Finally hearing him tell me he loves me was the most amazing feeling, yet I hated that this was causing him so much pain at the same time. I buried my face into his neck and whispered to him, “It’s ok, I’m right here. I’ll always be right here, no matter what happens. I’m not going anywhere, not without you.” His grip on me only tightened. I could feel the turmoil rippling off of him in waves.

He suddenly pulled back and wiped at his tears harshly, eyes scanning around in fright. “Oh God! Emily, what did I do?! We can’t be in here like this! It’s a holy place!” His panicked look changed as his eyes looked down to my naked chest, bra pushing my breasts up. Panic soon turned into heat, darkening his eyes, making his tongue slip out of his mouth and lick his trembling bottom lip.

“Come with me.” His voice had deepened and taken on an edge that made me begin to feel desire pool in my belly all over again. Something tells me we aren’t done just yet. No matter how wrong this may be. He took my hand and peeked outside of the booth to make sure no one else had come wandering into the church at the sounds of our love making.

He pulled me along with him at a hurried pace, my breasts bouncing free, making me blush. It was a church after all, I was not completely unaware of my surroundings. The door to his office came into view and I couldn’t help the smile on my face. From the first moment he had taken me here on that first day, I had daydreamed so many times about him fucking me in it. 

The office door closed behind us and I heard the lock click into place. I had expected him to immediately attack me like he had in the booth, but instead he began to pace, dragging both hands through his hair. “What have I done?! I don’t know what to do! God!” His torment was acute. I leaned against the door and sighed, “I’m sorry Bucky...maybe..I should go, I should never have come here.” 

He froze in his pacing and looked at me, eyes wide, “No! Please! Don’t go!” He rushed to me and cupped my cheeks, swiping away any lingering moisture upon my cheeks. The panic I saw before was nothing compared to now, of him thinking I was leaving. “Don’t leave me...please!” His voice broke and my heart clenched, “I can’t bare it any longer...I need you like I need air to breath! I feel like I’m suffocating every time you walk away from me.”

His hands went to my waist, slipping to the small of my back as his lips caressed mine in a gentle kiss. It was a far cry from the passionate ones we shared in the booth. This kiss held so much emotion, so much love. A groan left his throat as his hands trailed up my bare back, stopping at the latch to my bra. He paused only briefly before grabbing the latch and releasing the hooks. 

He released my lips and took a half step back from me to remove my bra from my arms. I bit my lip as he hungrily devoured my chest with his eyes. “God you are so beautiful...so perfect.” No one had ever said that to me before, my cheeks heating up. He leaned in and pressed his forehead to mine, eyes closing. He inhaled deeply, hands skimming down my arms. “You smell so good Doll.” His pet name for me made me shiver, voice dripping with want. Hands stilled on my wrists and his grip tightened.

I gasped as he suddenly pulled my wrists to above my head and held them against the cool wooden door. I could barely see any blue left in his eyes, pupils blown wide with lust. “You like that? You like me calling you Doll?” God, His voice was so deep, almost a growl. A breathy “Yes” left my mouth. He grinned and licked his lips before taking mine in a kiss that made my head spin. 

He moved both of my wrists into his left hand, leaving his right free to wander my naked chest. I gasped and broke our kiss as he cupped my left breast then pinched the nipple, making me press my lower body into his. I needed him all over again! “Bucky! Please!” I was not above begging, not in the least! “What do you want Doll? Do you want my mouth on this beautiful body?” I could have came from just him speaking to me, I swear!!

“Yes! Please!!” He smirked and it made me clench my thighs tight to try and relieve some of the building tension. “Well, since you said please...who am I to deny such a request.” His lips trailed down my neck, I could tell he was being careful not to mark me there, even though I knew he wanted to. He kissed and licked across my collarbone and breasts. I groaned in frustration as he barely ghosted over a nipple. 

I bit my lip hard when I heard his slight laugh, he knew how much he was frustrating me..the tease! I was about to complain when he suddenly took my nipple into his mouth and suckled, laving circles around the tight bud. I could feel it all the way in my pussy, heat building to inferno status. I almost screamed when he bit down and sucked a bruise on the underside of my breast. The first of many of the night I’m sure.

Releasing my wrists, he knelt before me, leaving open mouth kisses down my stomach. When he reached my skirt, he shimmied it and my panties down my legs, letting me step out of them. I was fully naked before him for the first time. Well, except my high heels. I went to remove them and he shook his head, “Leave them on.” It came out almost as a growl accompanied by a devilish smirk.

He looked at my bare hairless pussy and groaned, “God Doll, you’re killing me!” I couldn’t hide the giggle that bubbles over. It didn’t last long though, his warm hands began to skim up the backs of my legs. He tapped my outer thigh so I spread my legs slightly wider for him. “Em, you’re practically dripping...Fuck!” It wasn’t him cussing that made me gasp, though hearing him say it did make me raise an eyebrow, no it was the fact he dove into my pussy like a man starved.

I cried out and gripped his hair tight, banging my head hard on the door as I arched toward him. I felt him smile which made me do so as well. Well, smile as best I could since I was constantly gasping and moaning. His tongue painted a masterpiece on my clit and wet folds. I was already on the verge of cuming all over again. “Bucky...please!”

A loud squeal left my mouth as he grazed his teeth over my sensitive bud. I yanked his head up and glared down at him, so turned on I could barely see straight. “James Buchanan Barnes, if you do not fuck me right this instant, I may explode!!” His eyes looked feral! With one final long lick up my pussy, making a show of it, he stood up. “Come here!” He pulled me from the door over to his desk.

I took one look at his huge antique mahogany desk and bit my lip. Oh please tell me he’s gonna fuck me on that!! Please!! I definitely wasn’t disappointed. With a swipe of his arm across the top, leaving a huge mess in the floor, he spun me around and picked me up, placing me on top of his desk. My high heels clattered to the floor. The cool surface made me break out in goosebumps. “This what you want Darlin? You want me to take you here? On my desk?” All I could do was nod like a fucking idiot!

He stepped between my parted thighs and grabbed my hands, bringing them to the front of his black pants. His eyes were glued to my them as I reached inside where the zipper and button were already undone and pulled out his cock. Pre-cum smeared across my wrist in the process. I couldn’t help but lick my lips, wondering what he tastes like.

I grazed my pointer finger across his slit and gathered the liquid, his eyes tracing my every move as I lifted it to my mouth and sucked the digit clean. I leaned my head back and moaned in approval. He tasted Devine!! “Damn that’s hot!!” He palmed my thighs, pressing on them to spread me wider to accommodate his larger frame. “I definitely want that sinful mouth on me, soon...but right now, I need to be inside you Doll!”

Strong hands grabbed onto my rear and pulled me to the edge of the desk. He seemed mesmerized watching me as I took his cock in hand and lined him up with my entrance. He hissed and gripped my hips hard as I stoked my pussy with the flushed head, coating him in my arousal. I could have swore I heard him curse under his breath. “Please don’t tease me Baby Girl..I’ve been so patient and I just can’t wait anymore, I need to have you again.” There was no way I could deny his request.

I watched his face as he pushed into me, oh so slowly. It contorted into one of pure bliss, a lewd moan made me clench around him. When he could go no further and I was stretched to maximum capacity, he leaned in and kissed me, holding me tight as he began to thrust into me. My legs wrapped around his hips, pulling him against me, needing to feel his body on mine. I unbuttoned his shirt, pulling his white priest collar from it, letting it fall to the floor.

My hands roamed up his amazing chest and shoulders, pushing the material off as I went. I felt myself building to that exquisite peak again, it wouldn’t be long before I was hurdling over it. I was determined to take him with me. I tangled my hands in his hair, pulling a growl from his lips against mine, causing his thrusts to become more erratic and harder. He leaned me back over the desk, one arm under my neck, holding me up and the other on my thigh, pressing it higher on his hip as he changed his angle. I nearly saw stars!

“Bucky! God! Yes! Right there..right there!!! Oh..oh..oh Shiiiiiiiiiiit!!!” I spasmed around his cock and came so hard that my vision blacked out around the edges. His thrusts sped up and the desk quaked beneath me. He cried out as he came, spilling his hot seed deep inside my cunt. We held each other for quite a while, still connected, neither one of us wanting to move.

After cleaning up and redressing, I sat curled up next to him on the couch. I knew what had happened between us was profound, life changing even. I was almost afraid to talk, that I may ruin what was going on between us. He pressed a kiss to my forehead and tightened his arms around me. “You still with me Doll?” I nodded and looked up at him, “Yeah.”

He cupped my cheek and grazed his thumb across it, “Are you really?” I knew what he was asking me. I knew that whatever came after this could get very complicated, for both of us. “I’m done running Buck. I’m not going anywhere. You’re it for me. If you tell me to leave and say I can never have you again...that I’ll never get to hold you again like now...even then, I won’t leave you. I can’t. Not again.”

The look of love on his face was overwhelming. His eyes watered as he pulled me into a tender kiss. With his forehead pressed to mine he sighed heavily. “There are certain things in this world I am certain of. One, I love you very much.” I smiled and blushed a bit, hearing him say it again. “Two, I love the church and helping people. I thought after my mom died, I owed it to her to become a priest like she wanted. I wasn’t there to protect her and guilt drove me to the seminary. I have to fix this.”

His brow furrowed as he spoke of what’s to come. “I need to meet with Bishop Martin, He will know what will come next. I have to be honest with them Emily, they will need to know what it is that we’ve done. But I promise you, nothing will happen to you, got it?” I nodded and kissed his cheek, “Thank you, but I’ll accept whatever consequences that come my way. Anything to be with you. Anything.” I couldn’t hide the grin as he ducked his head and actually blushed. 

I knew I needed to talk with my mom about all this. If anything were to get out to the public, I didn’t want her blindsided with all of this. She definitely didn’t deserve that. She’s welcomed me back with open arms after ten years of barely there contact. She’s been nothing but supportive and loving. While Bucky talked with the church, I needed to talk to her.


	8. Bishop Martin

Bucky

I picked nervously at a cuticle on my thumb as I sat waiting to meet with Bishop Martin. His schedule was busy and my request to see him urgently meant I had to wait until he had a free moment. So far I have been waiting for over three hours. I sighed heavily and tucked my thumb into my fist to stop the horrible habit. If I wasn’t careful, I’d have it bleeding. So instead I pulled and adjusted my collar a few dozen times. Yeah, that’s so much better..not!

The heavy wooden doors to his office opened suddenly, making me jump practically out of my skin. I stood up immediately and faced the older man, whom I respect beyond all meaning. He smiled warmly at me and motioned toward his office, “Sorry to keep you Father Barnes, it’s been a hectic day to say the least..please come in.” I smiled warmly at him, he’s the only one who calls me Father Barnes.

“My apologies for such a short notice Your Excellency. Your soonest open appointment wasn’t for another month and I just couldn’t wait that long.” His brow furrowed at seeing how nervous I was. He closed the door behind me and went to his large ornate desk. “Well, have a seat Father, count me intrigued regarding the urgency.” I took a seat in front of his desk and folded my hands in my lap to stop them from shaking. I knew this meeting would change my life forever.

“I am...I have...” I couldn’t seem to even get the words out, my nerves getting the best of me. Bishop Martin ducked his head a bit to catch my eye, “Just take a breath, nothing leaves this office, I will hear whatever you need to say to me.” His calm and friendly smile seemed to be a balm on my frantic heart.

“I need to be released of my Holy Orders.” I waited for several heartbeats for his response, and when I heard none, I looked up at him. He had leaned back in his chair, eyebrows arched with a look of serious contemplation on his face. When he spoke, finally, it was with a calm and steady tone. “I have a feeling there is a long story behind your request. Come, let’s go somewhere more comfortable. My old bones have been sitting in this spot for way too long.”

I was shocked to say the least. The entire time it took to follow him to his private quarters, I stared at his back in disbelief. This isn’t the reaction I was expecting, at all. “Coffee? Tea? I’ve never been much on Tea, but Cardinal Frederick loves the stuff, so I keep it around for such an occasion of his visits. Myself, I’m a coffee man.” His casual demeanor really had my head spinning. Didn’t he understand what I asked him? Did he not hear me right?

“Uh..mm..no thank you, I’m fine.” He nodded and motioned toward a sitting area. He sat down onto the plush seat of the couch and sighed, “Ahh, now that’s much better. Now, sit, let’s discuss this whole relieving you of your Holy Orders.” Ok, well that answers that question of if he heard me right. “What has happened to make you want this?”

I told him the whole story, though I didn’t have to tell him about my Father, he already knew about him, and what he did to me and my Mother. I also left out exactly where Emily and I had sex. No need to get that graphic in detail. I ran my hands through my hair and wiped tears off my cheeks when I finished. He hadn’t spoken one word, allowing me to get it all out. 

“I see. This does change everything. Though I must chastise you for not coming to me sooner...before having relations with this woman. But, what is done is done. Even if I grant you canonical status of a liacized Priest, you have to know, as I know you do, that you can not erase your Holy Orders. Just like Baptism, it doesn’t just disappear...it is permanent. Once a Priest, always a Priest. Though I don’t like to use that phrase, but it’s accurate.” I nodded and leaned back into the soft back of the couch. “I know.”

“Me granting this still does not allow you to marry, or to..continue, to have sexual relations with the woman. This Dispensation can only come from the Pope himself.” My eyes widened, I hadn’t realized it would have to go to the Pope! “I..I didn’t know...will it take a long time to get a response from him?” Bishop Martin sighed and linked his hands together in his lap. “Pope Benedict XVI has not been Pope for that long, I’m not sure on his stance to this matter. I know the Pope John Paul was adamantly against granting such a dispensation. I guess the only way we will know is to ask him. So, I will get in contact with you as soon as I hear anything.”

He stood and so did I. He ushered me toward his door, “As much as I love your company, I’m sad to say I do have quite a bit to do today. But you will hear from me soon.” I paused as I watched him return to his desk and pick up a pen along with his reading glasses to begin working again. “Uh..Your Excellency...what am I suppose to do..I mean..I guess I don’t know what I mean.” He looked up from a paper he was writing on and smiled. “Have a good day James, now scoot so I can finish writing up your liacized Priest status. I’ll have Father Gregory take over in the meantime until a permanent replacement can be chosen. Turn in your Priest robes and of course you will need to immediately need to find new housing.” 

I froze as I took in what he was telling me...what he called me...James. Not Father James, not even Father Barnes! It was just, James. “Yes, thank you Your Excellency...thank you.” I felt in shock as I left his office, shock was the only thing I can think of about how I felt at the current moment. Just like that...I’m just James. I’m no longer a Priest. I walked out into the sunlight and I paused on the steps of the Church. Reaching up I slowly removed the white collar and held it in my hands reverently.

I walked silently to my car and it wasn’t until I was sitting with my hands on the steering wheel that it truly hit me. I expected to be extremely sad, distraught even, but truth be told, I was relieved. I loved the Church and my faith is what has held me together for so many years. Even when I thought my Father would beat it out of me. I prayed there, in the car, thanking God for all He has done for me, hoping against all hopes that the Pope will grant my request.


	9. One Condition

Emily

My foot tapped nervously as I talked to my Mom. I went into a whole speech about what I have always felt for Bucky and why I left all those years ago. I’m not even sure how long I sat there talking before she finally spoke. “Seriously Emily?” I looked up at her and she had a huge smirk on her face and arms crossed over her chest. “How stupid do you think I am?!”

I opened my mouth to speak again and she shut me down. “Young lady, I listened to you, now you listen to me...got it?” I nodded, “Yes Ma’am.” She smiled and reached over, patting my shaking leg, “I knew all along how you felt about Bucky, how could I not? You’re my daughter. After your father died, you were all I had left. Of course I knew you were in love with him.” She what?!? 

“Baby, you’d cry yourself to sleep almost every night. I could hear you through the walls. I’d hear you call out his name in your sleep...you still do.” I blushed and dipped my head. “I didn’t know exactly why you didn’t tell him how you felt, I figured it had something to do with Mandy. What I didn’t find out until after you left, was that he loves you too.” I looked at her shocked.

“Mom, why didn’t you tell me?” She sighed and looked past my shoulder where the big picture window faced the front yard. “I didn’t hear from you for over a year after you left. When I finally did, you refused to talk about anybody here. I respected your wishes. Now I wish I had just told you anyway. I guess we all have our regrets, don’t we.” I could definitely agree with that...some of us more than others.

“I knew it was a bad decision when Bucky went to seminary and became a Priest. I knew this would only backfire for him. That’s why I stay close, help out as much as I can at the church. I wanted to make sure he was going to be ok. I had a feeling something like this would happen. Especially when he reacted the way he did when I told him you were coming back. The look you two had when you saw each other again on the church steps...it’s fate. Destiny. Whatever you want to call it. But you two belong together. He looks at you the same way your Daddy use to look at me.”

A tear slipped down my cheek as I remembered my Dad. He died when I was very young, only eight years old. Cancer is such a Bitch! “Bucky’s suppose to be talking to Bishop Martin today. It’s been a long time..he hasn’t called me yet which makes me worry.” She squeezed my hand and gave me a sympathetic look.

Her head whipped up and squeezed my hand harder. “Look who’s here.” I turned and looked out the window. Bucky was parked in our driveway and coming up toward the door. A smile spread quickly across my face as I ran to the door and flung it open just before he could knock. His eyes were wide in surprise as I pulled him into the house.

I saw his collar was missing and I gasped, taking a step back from him. “Bucky?” His smile was infectious, “It’s done...I’m just James now.” I nearly knocked him over as I leaned into his arms, hugging him tight. “Oh my God!! Bucky!! This is amazing!! We can finally be together like we want!” His face fell slightly, “Well, we’re not out of the woods just yet. It’s true I’m no longer a Priest, but I’m still not allowed to have se..Uh..” he looked nervously at my mother who was smirking at his shyness. 

“James Buchanan Barnes! Did you defile my daughter?!” I knew her anger was fake. Bucky sputtered and blushed, “Elizabeth..I uhh mean Ms. Martin...I didn’t, I mean we did..but I assure you..” “Oh don’t hurt yourself James. I know about everything. So go one, explain why you can’t have sex yet.” He paused and still blushed furiously. “Ummmm..ok, well, I have to be given approval from the Pope in order to be allowed to have...sexual relations or marry, that would be sanctioned by the church.”

I was confused, “Wait, we have to have his approval to have sex?! But we’ve already had sex!! Multiple times!” If Bucky wasn’t blushing before, he sure was now. My mom laughed, “I’m going to go run a few errands. You two...talk and I’ll see you later.” She came over and kissed my cheek, Bucky’s too, then grabbed her keys and walked out. 

The moment mom left we were attached at the lips, his hands roaming my body. He suddenly pulled away, “No, I’m sorry Em, we need to wait. I haven’t done this right from the beginning. I want to now.” I pouted and ran my hands down his chest, his muscles clenching under them. “That means no sex, doesn’t it?” He groaned and leaned his forehead against mine. “I know! And God you smell so good!” 

We spent the evening cuddled up on the couch and watching old movies. His arm was always around me, never wanting to stop touching me in some way. He said it was because he’s been starved of the feel of my skin on his and he wants it any way he can get it. I cherished every single caress as if it could be my last.

“Bucky, what happens if he denies the request?” He leaned his head back onto the sofa and stared at the ceiling. “We could still be together, but it would be at the risk of being excommunicated.” I leaned into his side, “So, if he says no...we can be together, but no sex? We could never get married?!” He groaned loudly, “I’m just going to put my faith in God, that everything will work out.” That night I never prayed so hard in my entire life.

The Next Day

Emily

My phone rang and I rushed out of the shower to get it. “Hello?!” It was Bucky, “Doll, I need you to come to the church...like now.” I heard the urgency in his voice. “Why? What’s going on?” I could hear him walking outside, “Bishop Martin is here, he wants to see you...to see us both. He didn’t tell us why. And..he said to bring someone with you. I’m just as confused as you are Em. Just get here soon. It sounded urgent.”

I quickly hung up my cell. “Mooooooooooom!!” I ran down the stairs in a towel, still wet from the shower. “What Emily, what’s the matter?!” She was folding laundry as I told her what Bucky said. “Well, I guess we better get dressed and get up there then huh.” I ran back to my room, almost slipping on the hardwood floor from the water I had left behind.

I stared in my closet trying to decide what to wear..what exactly does one wear to meet a Bishop anyway?! I decided on a simple white sleeveless dress that had a pretty blue belt. It reminded me of the color of Bucky’s eyes. I even had a matching pair of heels. It was the nicest outfit I owned. I had bought it only a few days before as a ‘going to church’ outfit. Well...I’m definitely going into a church.

I was a nervous wreck by the time we reached St. Michaels. I was expecting the worse to tell you the truth. It made my stomach hurt and I wanted to puke so badly. My mom held my hand as we went inside, to help calm me down. Bucky met us at the door and hugged me tight. “He’s waiting for us in my office. He still hasn’t told me anything.” Oh Lord have mercy!!

We walked in, side by side and my mom trailing. The Bishop stood as we came in. “Ah, this must be Emily Martin. Hello, I’m Bishop Martin Graham..but usually they just say Martin. Funny how our names are similar.” I was dumbfounded to say the least. “Hello Your Excellency..yes I thought the same when Bucky told me your name. It’s lovely to meet you.” He laughed which caught me off guard. “Lovely to meet me? I bet you are...more like terrified out of your mind...am I right?” I laughed with him, “Yes you are.” I then introduced him to my mother.

He smiled warmly at Bucky, “Well then, now that we’ve got the introductions out of the way, here is what I’m here for. I was extremely lucky and was able to speak with His Holiness the Pope this morning. That in itself is very rare. Usually to get to speak to him takes quite a while. Anyway, I explained your situation to him and what kind of people you both are. My orders were to come here immediately and grant you your request on his behalf...under one condition.” Bucky and I gasped at his words..we were getting the Pope’s approval to be together!!

Bucky was on cloud nine, so was I. He paused momentarily from hugging me to ask the question still lingering. “What’s the condition?” The Bishop crosses his arms and grinned wide, “The condition is the very reason I asked you to bring someone with you. His Holiness said that he will only grant this request, if you two were to marry...today...like, right now. Here.” 

My mom behind us who had pretty much remained silent, finally was vocal. “Holy Shit!” The Bishop raised an eyebrow and she apologized, “Forgive me...but seriously...What?!?” Bucky looked at me and I at him...does he want this? Want me? Forever? I had so many questions running through my mind at a million miles an hour. “Bucky?”

He came closer and took my hands in his. “Emily? I know this is sudden, and if you say no, I completely understand. Will you marry me?” I wanted to scream from the rooftops! “Bucky, I love you more than anything. Of course I’ll marry you!” My mom squealed and wrapped us both up in a hug so fierce that we had problems breathing. 

There in the same room Bucky and I had sex in, we said our vows to Bishop Martin, and I became Mrs. James Buchanan Barnes. Together...forever...till death do us part. The kiss that followed was one for the history book for sure. By the time we left the church I felt as if I was floating on cloud nine. For once, I felt as if my life was finally on the right track. I was where I was meant to be, in Bucky’s arms!


	10. Forgive me Father, For I have Sinned

Bucky

Emily and I have been married for about a month now. We moved into a small two bedroom house just down the street from her mom. It’s not much, but it’s home. I got a job as a therapist, using my degree for the first time. Emily is working at the Hospital as a NICU nurse. We both love our jobs, and love each other more.

I sat on the couch reading the paper and sipping a cup of coffee. It was Saturday and we both had off work. Emily came walking into the living room and sat down next to me, snuggling into my side. “Any good news in the paper?” I sighed and set it down onto the coffee table. Putting my coffee down, I wrapped my arms around my beautiful wife. I never tire of hearing myself think or say that. 

“No, not really..same of the same political bologna like usual.” She looked up sweetly at me and smiled, “Really? Well then I have some good news for you.” I leaned down and kissed her forehead, “You do? Oh please, tell me this good news.” 

She suddenly went up onto her knees and straddled my thighs, setting herself down onto my lap. She wrapped her arms around my neck and came very close to me, her breasts brushing against my chest. I groaned and pulled her closer, never getting enough of making love to her. Doing it every chance we get.

“The day we left the church, when we got married, you left that church still a Father.” My brows furrowed in confusion, “What? No, I’m not a Priest anymore..not since...” I saw the blush on her cheeks and the way she bit her lip...then it suddenly hit me what she was trying to tell me. “Emily? Are you pregnant?!” She nodded quickly, and I wrapped her in my arms, standing with her legs around my waist. “Oh my God!! Really?!? I’m going to be a Father?!?”

She cried happy tears, “Yes! I’m pregnant!” I spun her around with excitement, then realized I probably shouldn’t be doing that to a pregnant woman. “Oh God, Doll, I’m sorry..here sit down..do you need anything? Oh my God! I can’t believe this!! I’m going to be a Dad!!” I set her on the couch and knelt before her, bending over and pressing my face against her lower belly and kissed her reverently.

“Bucky...I got pregnant the first time we made love.” My eyes bulged out of my head, “You mean...” She nodded, “Yup, we conceived our baby in the church.” I stared at her for a moment before I burst out laughing. “Wow! Well, there’s a story we won’t be telling our kids.” She corded her fingers through my hair, “They May find out anyway you know.” 

I groaned and leaned forward, kissing her sweet lips, “You realize this baby will have us both wrapped around it’s little finger. How will I ever say no to anything he or she wants.” She rolled her eyes, “Oh don’t I know it. Not to mention when they do something wrong..you know what they will say won’t you?” I looked at her confused as to where she was going with this.

She scooted even closer and took my hands in hers, placing them on her thighs just where her skirt ended and slowly had me skimming up her legs toward the promise land. “She or He...though, I think it’s a He, just a impression I have...He will come to you when they’ve done something wrong and say...” She leaned in close, her lips grazing the shell of my ear as she spoke, “Forgive me Father, for I have Sinned.” I couldn’t stop the growl that left my throat as I attacked her lips. This woman will be the death of me, I know it! But I couldn’t seem to care, especially when she moans my name like she’s doing now.


End file.
